Ups and Downs

So the endless period of no referrals finally ended in June which was a very good think.  I think as of today we are either 67 or 66 on the waiting list so that's awesome.  I've been able to think about some great "ups" that this extended wait has given us.

 We hated the house we were living in so we contacted a realtor about selling it.  He pretty much dashed all expectations of selling it and even getting what we owed on it :(  But we did have a neighbor who owned land adjacent to ours but was having difficulty getting the government to approve him putting in a house.  We contacted him just to see if he was interested.  He was very interested!  He said I have to sell my current house but then I want yours.... so we were back in the waiting game.  Then he called us this Spring saying I need the house ASAP.  So Josh and I moved out and in with my parents

(picture from my sister's photography business: http://www.klassicelegancephotography.com/)

We went from a house to one room but other than lack of space it's been great and it gave us time to search out our dream home:

It is definitely a place that we can't wait to bring our babies home to!  Unfortunately, we won't get to move in until next week but I am so very thankful to God that we sold our old house, had my parents to depend upon during the transition, and were able to find and purchase our dream home.  I know that if God had made our wait time shorter that this dream wouldn't have been a reality so I am choosing to concentrate on the blessings that I have each day.

I finished my first year of teaching.  It was a long year and also a very short one.  I learned a lot from my fellow teachers and from my administrator.  This is also a blessing.  

This summer I have taught 2 different summer schools and the large age differences has also helped me to grow as a teacher.  I won't continue summer school once the kiddos get here so growing as a teacher and gaining experience is a blessing (although an actual break would be a blessing too)

We also have in this time of waiting joined a new church.  Which has led me to join a Women's Bible Study. Which has led me to be better committed to my quiet time.  Which is such a blessing.  Thank you God for the blessings during my wait.

Isaiah 30:18
So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. 

Mother's Day

I always thought I was a writer.  I enjoy writing but haven't put enough time into this blog.  One reason I think is because I made the blog to blog about adoption and well there isn't much news on that front.  Since October (when we officially made the waiting list) we've moved about 10 spots (from 85 to what I guess is 73 but I haven't checked officially).  That in itself isn't overly optimistic.  If you then break it down further to the fact that in 2012 our agency has had 1 referral (it was of siblings so that's something) then it feels much more bleak given that it's nearly halfway through May.  Also that Mother's Day is this weekend just puts me in a bad mood.  If I had a big old baby belly people would treat me like a mother but since I am only paper pregnant, it won't be so. People do care and ask about the adoption but I don't have any answers and thinking about it too much makes me so depressed because... it may be a year, it may be 2 it may even be 5 and that's a lot to swallow.  I know God has called me to adopt.  That there is a reason my heart breaks for the children without families.  That there is a reason for this time of WAITING with no end insight.  I know that.  But I have to remind myself every day.


Romans 8:23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.

New Years Resolution....

So I read this cool blog post at the very beginning of the year:  On Friendship http://www.incourage.me/2011/12/on-friendship.html

And I felt like it had been written just for me.  Once again January has brought a new health kick (but I am feeling more even-keeled this time so maybe it will stick) but even though I struggle with "lack of friends" I hadn't thought about making it a resolution.  I definitely pray for it and it is one of the reasons that I started my search for a new church.  Hopefully one of the things I will find in my new congregation is a way to make new lasting friendships.  I hate making small talk.  It's actually gotten me in some real trouble at the job (apparently parents want bubbly teachers... and I try but I'm just not).  But I'm going to follow this blog series ( is that what you call it when she does a couple on the same topic) and think about the ways I can make more friends in 2012.

Luke 16:9  Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home.

Hope

On October 19th, we entered the waiting list at number 85.  I am happy to report that in the last few months, over 10 families have had the happy moment of getting that referral.  Unfortunately, I don't think there has been a referral of a sibling group all year long.  Also throughout the year the process has seemed to get longer and had more than a few setbacks.  When we were placed on the list they told us they couldn't give us an exact timeline but because we are wanting siblings (for multiple reasons) they would guess that our timeline until referral is likely 2 years.  So 24-2 months= 22 more months.

Somehow doing paperwork and waiting for the government to do paperwork and answering questions about my life all seemed like doing something and made the whole thing "real".  Right now I kind of feel like it isn't "real" anymore.  In 22 mos, who knows what will have happened, how I will have changed, what I will be feeling.... who knows how life will have changed in 22 mos.  And in 22 mos (if it works out that 22 is all we have to wait) I won't be holding my precious children in my arms but will instead just be finding out their names and faces.  It's bothersome to me because it seems like so many things have to wait for the babies and I want the babies so bad and all these people around me are getting pregnant and their babies will be here long before mine.  So a little bit of a pity party for Rachael (and for all the other "mothers" in the world just waiting to get the chance).

But... it is advent.  One part of my job that I loved was last Friday, we had a birthday party for Jesus.  We did have just a bit of work in the morning and then we worked our way through the advent.  We talked about how advent is a celebration of the "waiting", the waiting for the first Christmas and the waiting for the Second Coming.  Can I just tell you that if I were to celebrate something, it wouldn't be waiting.  I love celebrating but I don't love waiting.  But alas I think that some of God's greatest lessons come to us during times of waiting.

And I keep thinking about the Israelites who had to wait 400 years for their Messiah and then people missed it.  I've been checking out new churches (just time for a change) and think I've found the one I want and last week our sermon was on Simeon's song.  Simeon had a promise from God that he would see the Messiah and when he did he worshipped him and sang a song.  Simeon kept that hope, that faith that God would give him the desire of his heart and it came.  There is no age given but I get the impression that Simeon was not a young guy.  He probably had to wait longer than that 22 mos.  but he knew that God would keep his promise to Israel and to him personally.  The pastor said on Sunday that if you think about it that the story of Simeon is sad because Simeon wasn't the only on in the temple that day, the temple was packed with people with their own agendas who in the back of their minds were "waiting for the Messiah" but they missed him.  I want to make sure that I am not missing the point in this waiting and that I am prepared and not so stuck in my own pity party that I lose out on what God has for me during this waiting.  I know that my trust, my hope, my faith is in the Lord and he will deliver me from this time, from these worries, from the uncertainties that can cause me to waver.

I found great comfort in the blogpost at the bottom check it out.  Merry Christmas!

John 14:18 No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you


http://www.incourage.me/2011/12/because-what-were-really-getting-ready-for-is-love.html

Officially Waiting :D

So... the birth certificate, marriage license, and not-right-notary were not the end of our troubles.  We go to mail our stuff only to have our consultant leave the country but they assured us that if we sent it they would take care of it.  So we sent it and they found out our police report was too old (this gathering paperwork has taken a long time.  2 full-time jobs one of which is on an off-shift has really messed this stuff up).

So then I go to the local police to see if I can just get both of our letters but nope they won't let me get Josh's.  They say just leave your info and your husband can come tomorrow and get it done.  Then Josh worked over so he didn't make it that day but he did the next and so I thought we'd mail it back off that night.  I go to get the paperwork and mines not there they told him he couldn't have it.  So another day went by before I got back over to the police station to get that straightened out and once again in the mail.

Woohoo everything was there but there was still one more step before "paper pregnancy" was really here.  I wonder how long this last step takes so I ask and my consultant says probably within the next week or two.  That same day I get an email that we are on the list! On the list! Officially paper pregnant!! Woohoo! So then I have to know, what number on the list are we? 85... So I can't wait for those 84 other families to be complete so that we can too.

Since we are waiting for siblings we have a pretty big wait ahead of us.  An elephant has a gestation time of 22 months.  So the bet is on, who will win an elephant who got pregnant last week or me and Josh?  Any takers?

Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. 

Not "Waiting" Yet :(

I have been terrible at blogging, and not because I have nothing to say.  I have been terrible because I spend every evening at school really late and then have no desire to turn the laptop back on when I get home.  I finally started being a "real" teacher.  I am in charge of 19 little minds and getting all the information into them that they need to learn in 3rd grade.  I am excited that part of my job is leading my students to Jesus everyday.  I love when I can connect the curriculum with what we've learned in Bible.  I also love that I can ask, "Is this what Jesus would want us to do? Is that speaking in kindness to our friends?"  My beginning has not been without its pitfalls and every time I think that this biggest pitfall has been overcome it seems to rear its head again, so any prayers on that would be greatly appreciated, but I love feeling like I am where God wants me.  It was awesome my first day because it just felt so normal and peaceful.

I am getting slightly better at not staying at work until very late at night but I am having a hard time coming home alone.  My dog was ran over by a neighbor a couple of weeks ago and since then it has been even harder to convince myself to go home to the empty house.  I know that God knows what he's doing, and probably Josh wouldn't have as many opportunities for overtime if he worked first shift, but I am so over being on opposite shifts.  I either don't get enough sleep and am grouchy all the time or don't see Josh and am therefore grouchy all the time.  I don't like going out to people's houses every night but then get frustrated if I'm home alone.  I try to do the "Paul" thing and be content no matter my circumstances, but I definitely find these circumstances to be trying.  But just when I am complaining to God about how I hate it, He had someone share their family story with me that had me shutting up and thanking Him right then for the great man He has put in my life.  I am not sure why I am so lucky to have a guy who works so hard for me or values my happiness so but I am glad that I do.

What else... well my sister had a stroke.  At 31.  Over Labor Day weekend when we were supposed to be camping.  I didn't even know 31 yr olds had strokes.  I was so so scared and then so so thankful to God for His healing.  A million different "coincidences" happened that day that prevented it from being so much worse and I praise God for each of them.  She's doing pretty good now although not quite up to speed (and a little ditzy which isn't normal) but the doctors still haven't given a definite diagnosis and plan of action.  So again I would covet prayers for that.

Finally I thought I would be an official "waiting family" this week.  I finally had all the paperwork for my dossier and then mailed it off to Indiana's Secretary of State.  I get it back in less than a week (with a holiday weekend in the middle, Gold Star for SOS) but alas I am not ready.  They refused to certify 3 of my papers.  I want to complain about all 3.  If you've had enough of my complaining, feel free to skip, but I must get it out!

I was told by my adoption consultant and other adoptive moms that I needed to go to Indianapolis to get my official official birth certificate.  So I did.  I went to the department of health (which has a super dumb address and my droid was being dumb at showing me at street/walking level where it was) walk in with all my identifications and marriage license so I can get Josh's also only to be told, "Oh, we don't do that here anymore you need to go to the county you were born in." So I ask to confirm that this will be the official one because I was told to go to Indianapolis and they assure me this is the way the state is doing this now.  So then on a different day I drive the 2 counties over to where both Josh and I were born (another random "coincidence" I found out that day we were even delivered by the same doctor).  I find their vital records department, go in prove who I am and she gets me the birth certificates.  While there I explain I need these for international adoption and had been told to go to Indy but Indy said come there so these would be the most official ones, right? She assures me they are what I need.  Unfortunately for me she and the people in Indy are WRONG!!! I have to go to some random website enter my info, upload my identification (seems like a wonderful method for identity theft to me), and they ups'd me the birth certificates.  That only took another week.  After the 2 days and hundreds of miles I drove.  For the birth certificates I wish I knew where to officially complain because I would.  Because I covered all my bases and asked and asked and was still wrongly informed.  But such is life in this broken world we live in and God knows the plan so I/my babies must need the extra time that those birth certificates have given us.

Then they also returned my marriage license.  It was returned because the certification (stamp whatever it is called) and signature of the clerk on it were over 3 years old.  This is because it's the first official one I received when I got married 5 years ago and nothing in any documentation told me I needed to have a newer one.  This is a little ridiculous to me since marriage licenses don't expire! C'est la vie.

The final thing returned was one of the letters we had notarized.  Apparently something is wrong with this notary's (who works at a bank) stamp.  Her dates are all wrong so she doesn't work so the letter had to be reprinted and renotarized.  Since I have no way of knowing this before sending it to the SOS I pray that the new notary is acceptable.

I have the new birth certificates and the new notarized letter.  I just have to find time (or hopefully Josh can find time) to get to the courthouse in a town we don't live in.  As soon as we get that we will mail those 3 items back to the SOS who hopefully will once again have great turn around so we can finally mail that dossier and be an official "Waiting" family.

Psalm 27:14 Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word on the prompt, “Still.”
2. Link back http://www.incourage.me/ and invite others to join in.
3. Get a little crazy with encouragement in the comments of the five minuter who linked up before you.


Still.  Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is the verse, "Be still and know that I am God".  This verse is on my Bible carrier and on my purse.  I use it to help me remember even on those days that I despair in not knowing God's plans that I am not called to action, I am called to be still.  I think in reality I am a pretty patient person.  I don't like conflict (who does?) and I love kids so I feel like in my interactions with most other people, I am very patient.  Unfortunately I don't feel like this patience goes over to my relationship with Josh and with God.  In both cases I feel like I present my case (for this idea that I have or that job that I need now God!) and then want their responses to be in line with my ideas and also to be happening right now.  This impatience has caused problems in both relationships.


Pfew that went by too fast